Who Wants to be a Milliner

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I had just told a woman to fuck off at the Trump Protest down Trafalgar Square and I was heading nomadically towards Covent Garden. The missus and I stopped by Laird Hatters. I told the shop keeper I’m broke, so don’t try and sell me shit. I’m just window shopping. He was cooler than a cucumber wearing rays, sprayed back on a barker lounger holding a Martini.

“Try this” he hands me a Fedora, “You look a 56-57, my money is between the two.” God damn he was right. I slipped that fedora on and it fit. Without compromise. “Only one hundred sheets” he said. The tease, the charm, the swagger of the man. I was unashamedly seduced. Still, I wasn’t b*ll-shitting. I was skint and the only trade that I was able to do that day was give him my card. “Email me”. I left.

Of course I had the title first, Who wants to be a Milliner? I immediately wrote it down, laughing to myself. I pictured the Asian presenter dude from Slumdog Millionaire saying it, nay, bellowing it! WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLLINAAAAIRE!

I knew my drops would be Tom Cruise ripping into his “tell me you looike muy hat. Say it Shannon!!”  tirade from Far and Away. 


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I pestered Laird for two weeks, in the end I just call the shop and hit record. Got through to a guy called Galih who was a great guest. He had this laugh that you couldn’t see coming. Tried the same tactic with Locke and Co, the oldest hat makers in London, but we couldn’t make it happen sadly. Paul Stafford came on from The Season Hats. This guy was nice, even went to Millinery School. I suppose they have a school for everything these days. Rakelle Maurici, the Grooming Editor for Menswear Style also joined, I was tempted to finish the conversation with another drop from Far and Away when the owner of the brothel turns to Joseph and says ‘Why don’t you just shag her and get it over with‘ but it was a risky gag. Finally, this Italian dude came on called Alec. Again he was a nice lad. Got me over the 30 minute mark at least. Sadly this podcast will now only be once a month, not sure why. editors choice. So enjoy it, subscribe in iTunes and all that jazz.

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