The Kickstarter Campaigns That Need to Happen

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These Kickstarter campaigns are still live and are a microcosm of why the terrorists hate us. Whilst the terrorists are conjuring new ways to make us wait longer in airports, we’re busy trying to launch products such as Dog Cocaine. Check these out.


THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

A mobile gaming app about keeping a balanced diet whilst enjoying anal sex. Now you won’t get Nigella Lawson endorsing this kind behaviour, (I’m guessing) but this lifestyle journalist certainly backs this campaign. Currently 9 days to go, and $130 short of its target. Come on people, you don’t want poo to get in the way of your happiness do you?


THE PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITIES OF DAMIEN HIRST

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Now I’m not sure if Damien has given this the go-codes, but it would perhaps be a nice way to immortalise the man that has made us re-think the definition of art. Perhaps by chopping him in half, embalming him and hanging him somewhere in the Modern Tate, would book end his life rather nicely. Currently needing $69k and I’d imagine, Damien’s consent.


FANTASTIC VAGINA POSTER

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/829835471/fantastic-vagina-poster?ref=nav_search

We could all do with one of these. 900 slang words for the Vagina dating back 500 years, all in one place. Never again will you need to scratch around searching for a derogatory term for the female genitalia. Just like the word of the day app, you can attempt to crowbar a new word for the lady garden in everyday conversation. Currently in need of $1.5 to hit its target.


DOG COCAINE

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Why should your dog go without cocaine? You’ve never done a few rails whilst watching Corrie and looked over to see your furry friend giving you the ‘hey what about me‘ eyes? Dog Cocaine claims to be an EDIBLE NON-INTOXICATING powder that dogs love and if consumed with vigor will leave a little powder around the upper lip of your doggy, creating the illusion that your k9 likes to party!  Currently asking for $2k to go to production.


PUSSY CHASERS

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1575519826/pussy-chasers-the-legend-of-oral?ref=nav_search

A graphic novel depicting the Legend of Oral. According to the bio: This magnificent universe is unlike the one you’re used to.  It’s a place where the average spacer can get the fellatio and/or cunnilingus he or she really, really wants – and for only a fistful of credits! (Nice choice of words that, ‘fistful’). This has already met it’s target, but still you can throw some money at it and join the Pussy Chasing Crusade.


 

2 Comments

  1. Jeremy Ruggles
    May 25, 2016 / 7:01 pm

    The worrying thing here is that the gaming app about a balanced diet while enjoying anal sex is near its target, meaning people are investing in it…classic, thanks for enlightening your readers Peter.

  2. May 26, 2016 / 9:24 am

    haha I take it you won’t be buying shares in the app then Jeremy? I showed it to my tech guy at work who immediately went and pledged a fiver.

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