Liverpool lose Capital One Cup on pens – Player ratings

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First off it was a meaty cup final. And it’s a shame really that the players that put in the best performances, were the ones that missed the penalties. Lucas Leiva proved he has at least 5 more years left at the club if he fancies hanging around in defence. Overall I think that the game was evenly matched and a draw was a fair result. That’s right, we drew, no one won. Honours even yeah?


MINGOLET

Ol’ Mings. You my friend are the true definition of mercurial. Other than the absolute howler you had a solid game, even keeping us in the game with some worldy saves. The trouble is, you commit the howler. Now I’d rather you  let in the goals you have no right to save, and just deal with your bread and butter. That way we would know where we stood. I can’t stand five more years of mercurial Mings.

5/10

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CLYNE

Got up and down well, looked solid. Cut inside well at one point and got utterly cleaned out. The fact he got up from that, shows character.

8/10

TOURE

Oh Kolo, I said to my Mum when you came on the pitch you have a howler in you. However you proved me wrong, and was a rock my friend. Would have made my day to see you score the winning pen.

7/10

LUCAS LEIVA

You are enjoying a renaissance here my friend. Through your heart into every challenge, who cares if they were on time or not. Missed the pen, yeah. That was a sinker, kind of sucked the life out of us that. You never looked like you wanted to take it. People should run up to the penalty spot and be singing like Holyfield did when he got in the ring against Tyson. I remember one commentator saying that he had never seen someone so happy to get in the ring against Tyson. The dude won the fight right there. Tyson must have been thinking, ‘what joke did this guy get told on the way in. I want to hear it, looks like a real rib-tickler’. 

9/10

lucas-leivaMORENO

Well Moreno, you ran your little heart out as always. You went for some strange reverse bicycle challenge once Aguero skinned you and got away with it. You probably stopped the dude from scoring so I give you points for the attempt, for stopping him scoring, and for getting away with what was a blatant penalty.

7/10

CAN

Ran your socks off buddy. What gets me about Can is that his hair never moves. I reckon that oil makes him more aerodynamic because he gets everywhere. I knew once he placed that ball on the spot we’d score. Germans score penalties, it’s in their DNA. Didn’t notice you pull out any trees in their last 16, but you’re a piano lifter.

8/10

HENDERSON

Hendo. I don’t know what it is but Hendo has this look like he’s thinking something stupid.  He also crossed the ball to f*cking no one at one point and if I was manager I would have subbed him there and then. I know he’s carrying some sort of knock and we’re all waiting for it to go pop so he can get it fixed, but it’s painful to watch.

4/10

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MILNER

This guy lifted twice the amount of pianos than Hendo did today. Why didn’t he take a penalty earlier on? He should either be the 1st or 2nd name on the list. I would have given you man of the match Jimbo however you mis-placed a header back to Mings, you didn’t take a pen, and your agent turned me down when I asked if he wanted to buy a domain name of me for 20k. Incidentally if anyone else is interested in buying www.boringjamesmilner.com then message me.

7/10

COURTINHO

Now here is one of our piano players! I love it when a little dude takes a shirt off after scoring. Ol Magic has goals and a trick up his sleeve, but he does not have Drogbas upper body. Ripped dudes love scoring and stripping, when little Magic peeled his shirt off I actually felt better about my body. For once. Oh Magic, what were you doing for the Pen. Blam it boy!

8/10

FIRMINO

This guy. Every time he got the ball he was offside. I got tired of seeing his face. I heard people say this was going to be his game, big stage an’ all. Never got going.

2/10

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STURRIDGE

Ol Danny boy. Weren’t your day was it son. A couple of neat tricks, didn’t get great service. At one point in extra time you tried some fancy footwork in the wrong part of the pitch and gave the ball away. Had they scored from that I would have disowned ya. Overall gave the ball away quite cheaply. Aguero proved he was the best striker in the league today. Phew is that it?

5/10


Still the game itself was entertaining. I watched it in down the local boozer and I want to tip my hat to this guy in the vid below who watched the game like he was in his own living room. He screamed at the tele, got hammered and didn’t give a damn about anyone. Here is a clip when Liverpool scored, and his reaction. God bless you sir, you were great to watch.

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