‘Why settle for a peak Daniel when you can see everything from Look-Out Mountain.‘ – Hot Rod, Transformers The Movie.
‘Shall I have a picture with my face in it?‘ I ask Annie, who has kindly agreed to be my photographer at 7am in the morning. ‘No your face tells too much of last night,‘ she replies ruthlessly. We have ventured out beyond the promenade, west from Lugano, through the park to the most northern point. Only the swans are out this morning, their heads folded neatly round their bellies. Occasionally they’d rouse out of curiosity, assessing the threat of my presence.
The swans out here are incredibly laid back, even so far as approachable. Far removed from their English cousins who lets face it, are just hooligans in feathers.
Later that evening, we took a cable cart up Monte Brè to restaurant Vetta. The cable cart, Funicolare, timetable was too convoluted for me to understand, the small fragments of advice I can pass on about this is that it’s uphill and like everything in Switzerland, is unhurried.
The views from the dining forecourt are immeasurable. Equal in unfathomable beauty to those vistas from The Statue of Christ, only without the tourists and assholes looking for Pokemon….stuff. If you’re going order the shrimp, a bottle of the L’Ariete and nothing else. I didn’t see a single plate that came out that I’d consider eating. But in honesty, they could’ve brought out a turd garnished with parsley and I still would have given them five stars.
We took the Funicolare halfway down and walked the rest, passing Roman Abramovich’s gaff on the way. Anastasia showed me the secrets to how the Swiss keep their cities clean. ‘Look,’ pointing at anonymous box shaped nodules in the road. They had cerated steel doors on the front. ‘People that live in these houses throw their rubbish in there, and it all goes underground.‘ I liked that, why don’t we English have that? Why don’t we have a team of divers that regularly clean the lakes like the Swiss Suat Association? Why do the Swiss have passive to the point of catatonic swans and ours are raucous hooligans in feathers?