Look up! Amsterdam Skylines

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Amsterdam is filthy. A fucking armpit. An unkempt, clumped, odourous armpit. Not my words, the words of the missus. I happen to concur. Another genius quip she dealt out during our trip was ‘It’s no wonder they serve all day breakfasts everywhere in this place, there’s no telling when these fuckers will get out of bed’.


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Above is the Amstel Hotel, €1,500 a night. Breakfast not included. Bill Clinton, Madonna, U2 have all stayed here.


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Above is the National Bank, all the gold is in the basement.


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There are no tall buildings in Amsterdam, the ground is too soft. Even the station is built upon wooden piles, much like Venice.


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Some bright spark had the great idea of numbering the houses, after the 18th Century. Before then the postman would only recognise your house by the different types of gables, mainly, flat, neck and sprout gables.


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Notice the big windows, and the hoists at the top? The houses were all built slightly on the piss so they could hoist things up to the upper floors, in through the larger windows. This was because their stairwells inside were too narrow. With the tilt they could hoist stuff up without damaging the front of the house.


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Very few ‘working’ churches in Amsterdam. It’s not a very religious place. The few churches that are still kicking about are used for offices. Although this might seem like sacrilege, the alternative was to tear them down. Eat that religion.


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