Postcards from Brazil – Part Tres – The Best Beach in Rio

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“Superman you’re just in a slump, you’ll be great again”Ricky, Superman 3.


I’m in a whole slump all morning about leaving that damn camera in the taxi. I have pooled about 400 sheets in sponsor money for this trip, all that’s down the pan now. Annie throws a decent spin on it, ‘well we lost you yesterday (I got split up from the group and got lost up Sugarloaf for 30 minutes) and we lost the camera last night. I’d much rather have you back.’ 

On the way to Cavalo Marinho the girls and I talked briefly about moving to Brazil.

GIRL 1: We should move to Brazil.

ANNIE: We should totally do that.

ME: “We’ve been here a day. This is the equivalent of a married dude leaving his wife and four kids for a hot 19 year old cocktail waitress that gave him a wink at the bar. He then moves in with said cocktail waitress to realise she doesn’t speak English, have any money and is a real evil bitch inside.” 

TWISTED ME: (to the camera that isn’t there) “Although the sex would be great.” 


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In the evening we watched the tennis, ‘these ball boys have stubble,‘ I say to Annie. No one has less self esteem than a ball boy in their mid-twenties, running around in a panic collecting balls, presenting them aloft ‘pick me, pick me’ like a kid being asked who wants a balloon animal. They also have to be jonny-on-the-spot with the towels.

‘That’s their job’ Annie says.

‘How would you like it if I rolled out of the shower, asked you for a towel, flossed my butt crack with it before throwing it in your face without a thank you?’


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WHEN IN RIO

Cavalo Marinho is a utopia. We were the only tourists and we gorged like stoned vikings on Gray Shrimp in garlic for a very reasonable price. I didn’t go in the sea for my pathological fear of sharks and jellyfish but the water is blue, the sand is untainted and there are no street vendors trying to peddle on straw hats every two minutes. Not there’s anything wrong with that, but the only the person I want hassling me on the beach is the barman asking if I’d like more ice in my beer bucket.


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