Would you Wednesday – Hazel Irvine

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For some people (mainly women) the end of the Snooker World Championship will come as sweet relief. However for some men it’s back to real life and a hapless marriage. The Snooker season is over and what’s more, Hazel Irvine will go back into the media wilderness until Wimbledon comes around. Here are just some of the best tweets about Hazel Irvine that did the rounds this past fortnight.

I used to date Hazel back in the day and she certainly knows her onions when it comes to snooker. I thought I’d impress her by casually mentioning how Cliff Thorburn got the first 147 break at the crucible. ‘Yes’ she replied ‘and he’s got a massive cock‘. What a resourceful woman. @ThatDapperChap


Hazel is such a consummate professional. When potty mouthed Steve Davis mentioned in commentary that ‘Higgins has screwed in the pink to hold for the brown‘ she quickly brought the conversation back round to snooker by listing Higgins previous tournament victories. Seamless. @EverydayManJohn

My housemate has got a theory that Hazel is a bit of a dirty bird that she puts it about a bit. I wrote a letter to the BBC to see if they could provide proof to the contrary and I haven’t heard back. The fact that no one has come forward to contest my housemates claims, speaks volumes in my book. @AlexGreavesFromMA

Hi @AlexGreavesMA, I’m afraid we have quite a back log of emails here at the BBC so I apologise for not getting back to you sooner. I don’t know Hazel personally, and none of my colleagues have irrefutable proof to counteract your housemates suspicions, so I have ordered an inquest into the matter that will roughly take about 6-9 months. @ManFromTheBeeb

Clare Balding

I saw that Hazel Irvine was trending and now I wish I hadn’t. Unbelievable that a woman with Hazels pedigree can get subjected to these horrible, insidious tweets. And the fact that the BBC has commissioned an inquiry is just deplorable. Although that said, I’d be quite curious to know the results. Very curious! @NotClareBalding

I dated Hazel back in college and one day, during a game of pool, a stranger approached us and asked if he could have a go next. I thought the request a little odd as he never put a 50p down. I found it even more baffling when he followed us home, watched us have sex, then banged Hazel during my refractory period. @SteveyRolls

BBC Sport's Hazel Irvine

BBC Sport’s Hazel Irvine

Disclaimer – none of the tweets are real, any twitter handles used are coincidental and the size of Cliff Thorburn’s cock remains a mystery.


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