‘Southpaw nothing, I’ll drop him in 3. The Italian Stallion. Sounds like a damn monster movie.‘ – Apollo, Rocky.
The Italians do many things in an efficacious manner. From Silvio Berlusconi calling Angela Merkel an unf*ckable lard-arse, to Monica Belluci doing, well whatever she likes really. I ruminated on the idea for Italian Models as a feature for the site and started to research the subject with my usual diligence. Sadly I lost the entire morning watching youtube clips from the 1969 Italian Job and reading mythbuster editorials on how the robbers could not only survive the coach crash at the end, but also retrieve the gold! But that aside, here for your pleasure and in no discernible order, are the top 9 Italian Models to follow on Instagram.
Federica Fontana is one of those names that belongs on a movie poster. As a dude I can safely say you would sleep with a girl called Federica Fontana sight-unseen. She looks like the healthiest person alive, always running, smiling, eating plants etc. She likes to do the odd cartwheel on the beach and just radiates warmth. Unfortunately I can’t tell you much about the girl because her bio and website are all in Italian. What? What do you want from me? You think I have time to learn Italian whilst watching Michael Caine tell his mate, ‘You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!’
Elena Barolo is a TV personality, blogger, model and self confessed whisky addict! How about that! Stick a glass of Auchentoshan in this girls hand and I’ll bet she’ll shift a few bottles. No girl I know that is a whisky addict looks like Elena. Last girl I met that claimed she was a whisky addict told me she wanted to fuck my brains off. Not fuck my brains out, I might add. But off. That’s the calibre of female whisky drinkers I’m used to. (By the way I never accepted her strange, but kind invitation. In case you’re wondering).
Again not a lot I can tell you about Eleonora as her bio doesn’t give much away. But lets face it, are we really in dire need of knowing Eleonora’s political stance on the conflict in Syria? Are our lives going to be that much more enriched knowing that she’s a pescatarian? Are we going to think any less of her for being the next face of Al Qaeda? Well maybe the last one, yeah. But you get my point.
Susanna Canzian is based in Miami but originally hails from Treviso, Italy. She knows a thing or two about chemistry and has the kind of stomach you’d like to eat maraschino cherries off. I would have said Italian Pepperoni to stay on point, but I have an aching for maraschino cherries right now and somehow that seems more sexy. Did Mickey Rourke eat Pepperoni off Basingers stomach in 9 1/2 weeks? Thank you, now where was I?
Tina is a Nightlife Host Media Model. I have no idea what one of those is but I’m guessing she doesn’t have to lay brick in her spare time. She’s a picture of health and wears the crap out of a leather jacket.
Carlotta probably describes herself best in her own words. Saves me doing it, plus it’s getting late in the afternoon my girlfriend will be back in a minute and I’ve literally done nothing but look at scantily dressed Italian models all day. I’ll have to order a Thai takeaway like Mrs Doubtfire in a minute and pretend I spent all day cooking it.
‘I’m not longer modelling full time because I am now a pharmacist and almost finished my second University degree as a physiotherapist! I do model works for some brands I like or for projects I approve even in a ethical way! Last time frame I spent working full time as a model was in Nyc almost two years ago! Now I try to share pics of me surrounded by beautiful landscapes cos I’d love to share my simple and healthy lifestyle and the immense beauty of my country!’
Kitty Queen is not just an Italian model, but a Vegetarian & Rapper! Kitty is also a Suicide Girl and by all accounts, a wonderful human being. Do you know I actually haven’t left the hotel room yet. I feel so dreadfully out of shape. My once washboard stomach now has soggy bits. The guy from reception came in first thing this morning to turn the bed over and just now again to fix a light in the bathroom. I haven’t moved an inch. My schlubbyness is only compounded by the fact that all I’ve been doing is looking at models. Jesus Christ. Oh well, we all suffer for our art don’t we?
Ok lastly but not leastly we have Michaela. She’s a professional dancer, the sort you’d like to hook up with on Strictly Come Dancing and leave your wife for. She travels, she’s a tourism model and a miss global beauty queen. Quite the resume.
In with a bullet at number 9 is Melita Toniolo. She loves cats, beaches and bikini shoots. My kind of woman.