“Is there such a thing as nutsack moisturiser?” I asked the missus casually as we schlepped the weekly food shop back to the flat. If there is then I want to know about it. If there isn’t, I will make one. Of course there was one. As the laws of physics defines nothing new exists outside of a vacuum. If you want to create something new, you must first displace what is already there.
The company that was currently holding the mantle was Below the Belt. A couple of emails back and forth with the brand resulted in some samples landing on my doorstep for review.
First off lets talk about the balls for a second. Balls are hideous looking things and no matter how good looking you are, your balls don’t give a damn. If you had Danny Devito and Brad Pitt poke each of their nutsacks through separate glory holes you wouldn’t know whose was whose. Unless it was George Clooney’s nutsack poking through a gloryhole (apparently he has his scrotum ironed).
Fresh and dry balls it says on the label. The missus cutely added, ‘They could mean for the balls of your feet. They are also technically below the belt.’ An astute observation, but we all know what is insinuated. First off I gave my balls a good once over with the clippers. Next I showered like usual and applied the Fresh and Dry Balls Cool. I got the initial tingle of mint freshness I eagerly anticipating and my pendulous balls swung with merriment and sybaritic pleasure as I paraded around the bedroom like Lord March. It’s a gel based fluid, a little greasy but easily absorbed if you have enough surface area. And believe me, I could make a trampoline for my niece with the amount of excess I’ve got going on.
Why use it?
There’s never enough air flow for your balls. Perhaps back in the Garden of Eden it was warm enough and the one solitary maple leave could provide adequate ventilation. But the salad days for balls are coming back. Today the balls can be ironed, Scrotal Uplift aka Scrotoplasty is a thing, and now we can do more than just pad a little talc up there.
Actually I enjoyed the sensation and I’ve got some good use from the Instant Clean Balls & Sports Lubricant that I applied before my trip to Bootcamp yesterday. It does give you a nice ‘icy’ mint sensation that tingles, but the sensation doesn’t last that long. The Instant Clean Balls spray I used when I went straight from work to the cinema the other night. I’m not sure who is really going to reap the benefits of that because it wasn’t like my balls were going to fumigate the entire theatre to the point people would have to leave. Neither was I expecting any ‘action’ to happen during the movie. But it’s just nice to know they’re taken care of, that they’re on the starting blocks so to speak should they be called into immediate use to meet the missus’ amorous demands.
Fun practical products with accessible price points if you want to also buy for novelty gifts. Nice breathable sensation for your balls and prevents chafing for long runs.
As I’ve spent a good part of my youth in Liverpool, I didn’t need to see the ‘As seen in The Sun‘ on the homepage. That would actually prevent me from buying.
Below the Belt Grooming has been kindly reviewed on Amazon, this being my favourite.
“Gone are the days when you need to talc your nuts and leave the bathroom floor looking like a crack den. This is a must for any lad who spends 60 percent of their day unsticking their sack from their legs. Put it on in the morning and it does keep you dry all day. Has a nice scent to it too, says the missus.”
This is an honest review of Below the Belt but sponsored content. For more grooming product reviews like this be sure to check out the grooming section on the website.