Florida Keys

Before driving to Florida Keys we had a couple of days in the Art Deco district in Miami.

The mannequins out here in South Beach are something else. Had I not been a married spud I would bought one back to England. You’ve seen that film where Ryan Gosling starts dating a mannequin and the whole town supports him. YEP.

It rained hard, relentless, on the first day. All day. We walked around Wynwood Walls. I was wearing new shoes without socks and they were ripping my damn ankles open. I couldn’t leap over puddles so just walked through the f*ckers.

We got to the Fashion Museum. It was now a construction site. Flattened. I got a picture in the rain of me next to some graffiti and we left.

Inside the Miami History Museum I saw an old board game of Miami Vice and chanced across a photography exhibition by Nathan Benn. The lady working there asked which one was my favourite.

I pointed to the one with women in wet t-shirts and no bras. It was time to leave for Florida Keys.

In Florida Keys we went swimming with Dolphins. One looked depressed. The sign next to it said ‘Is this dolphin depressed?’ and then gave a huge block of evidence saying how happy he is.

Arrival in Florida Keys

Down in Florida Keys we scouted a couple of James Bond locations. We even met a gentleman called Captain Bill aboard the War Museum that doubled as Q in the movies.

We ventured down to the Barrelhead Bar where they had the fight scene from the movie Licence to Kill. I pointed to a Manatee that had entered the harbour and asked a local fisherman what that was. “Holy crap,” he said. “Marlene drop your shit and get out here, take a picture of the thing.

Around 6pm everyone heads down to the marina to watch the sun go down. A gentleman behind me told his friends and said “You’ve heard about the sunsets in Florida Keys? It’s true what they say. A sunset here is something you’ll never forget.”

A separate couple passed the other way and the gentleman said “shall we get drunk in that place we got drunk in last night?” To which his lady friend replied. “Sounds good to me.”

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