open letter Eon Productions

Dear Michael, (producer of the James Bond films)

I’m writing to you as a huge fan of the Bond franchise. I, like most men, have often fetishised about playing the role of James Bond.

With this in mind I wondered if you’d consider including an addendum to your DVD extras for all Bond fans that envision themselves as James Bond.

I’m confident that with today’s technology you’ll be able to CGI ones face over Daniel’s, by simply screen grabbing ones Facebook profile.

As an aside it would really impress my girlfriend if she could see me on the big screen  smartly dressed in a Tom Ford suit, delivering quick witticisms, being insubordinate to my peers. Etc. Perhaps we could also CGI her in to the film.

She’s a massive animal lover so I know she’d get a huge kick out of having her face super-imposed on Blofeld’s Cat or a caged Komodo Dragon.

Photoshop work by Richard Neves

With the CGI being so good these days perhaps we could also digitally remaster Sean Connery in the earlier Bond films so we could see what he would look like without the toupée.

As a bald man it would certainly do my self esteem a world of good to see Sean without the toupée. Maybe we could also digitally alter Daniel Craig to have no hair also?

I’m confident that you’ll be able to include some hair regrowth product placement to cover the costs of additional special effects.

It will also entice people to watch the often-times overlooked DVD extras to discover the real reason why Daniel is crowbarring Regaine into the dialogue.

I look forward to hearing your response.

your sincerely


You can hear me talk about this on the From Tailors With Love podcast episode 22. Available in iTunes.



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