Easy enough to find, deep in the sweaty ball sack of Liege, Belgium. Hotel Neuvice has an antiquated vibe. No lift, crickety-rickety stairs, tight to ascend. Plenty to talk about with this gaff so lets get to it.


No cocktails, sugary treats on the desk or a man beating a kettle drum. Crucially no bellboy. So ol’ guns here had to schlep the bags upstairs. Which in truth, I didn’t mind. Needed to sweat out last nights birthday booze.


God damn yeah. The best since Cordis. An open door, soothing shower gel, excellent pressure. Every shower should leave you with the feeling that you’re ready to take on the world. Of course I was bitterly hungover so I was ready for bed, but you get my point.



I have never seen such a wonderfully symmetrically pointed toilet paper display in all my days. This one was probably folded by a carpenter who had immediate access to a tape measure. Excellent stuff.


Yes, it worked. Lovely.



It was all going so well. No safe, and the missus had 50k’s worth of jewellery on her. We put it in the safe downstairs. Next day, I asked the girl at reception to get it out for me. She had never laid eyes on me before and she opened up the safe and gave them up. Security is loose. Too loose.


Available with good speed. But can someone tell me why Soundcloud doesn’t work in Belgium? Technically I’m closer to the servers (in Germany) should have been lickety split.



Not included in the £135 price tag. So shelled out an extra £16 quid. However, nice jams. I’m a huge jam man and they had rhubarb, some spicy jam, fresh strawberry, the fucking lot. Unfortunately the freshly squeezed orange juice was in short supply and you have to ask for it separately. The eggs you have to boil yourself, and that can lead to disaster. Overall it was good, the croissants were fresh and those jams.. Boy oh boy.



It was a double, the pillows were nice fluffy, the missus was out like a light before I could get a review. She certainly wasn’t in the mood for any coital activity. That’s what a whole day of travelling on a birthday hangover can do for you.


Liege is an armpit but I’d come back to this hotel. It’s romantic, it’s old fashioned. Don’t come armed with your life savings mind, they’re a bit too trusting on the front desk.




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