Rocked up to the Patio in Finsbury Square (not Finsbury Park as it so helpfully said on the press release) with three gorgeous girls in tow. I must have looked like bleeding Mick Hucknell 20 years ago. Or Mick Hucknell now if he’s still banging away like he used to. It was Annie’s birthday, so I took her and her friends out for some dinner at the Fabulous 698B.

For 40 sheets you get 4 courses, a Spring Prosecco Bellini and a bottle of wine per couple. On top of that you bring your own booze so you don’t get stiffed like I did a day later down the Blue Anchor In Hammersmith paying £2.75 for half a Budvar. Jesus Christ I still haven’t gotten over that. £2.75 for half a damn beer that wasn’t even for me. Down the local working mans club in Fletton you get a pint of Ale for £2.25 and when you ask if they’re serving food, you don’t get told to cool your jets cowboy. Sorry I digress.


Let me walk you through the courses. The Amuse Bouche is not technically a course and I’m not entirely sure what it was. I wasn’t sure if you could eat the flower but I was beyond ravenous so I saw it off.


Next up the British Tomatoes & Asparagus Basil, Hazelnut. Who doesn’t like hazelnuts eh? Hazelnuts are easily in my top 5 nuts of all time. Of course my own nuts are up there, but shortly followed by the walnut, the crushed almond, horse chestnuts (but only roasted) and bringing up the rear the hazelnut. Fuck me Pete what’s this, Pete’s pointless listicals tenuously linked to a dish? Fascinating.


This Mackerel Escabeche, Cornish Potato, Sour Cream, Pickled Shallots was what I like to call, the haymaker. The mackerel was succulent and cooked just the way I like it. By someone other than Housemate Neil. There was a mild dusting of baby cucumbers that looked like baby watermelons.


The headline act was the Lancashire Pink & Pulled Pork, Broad Bean, Gooseberry Cider. The pulled pork was just right and whilst taking this picture I was tempted to funnel the contents of the plate down my gullet like Scooby-Do. Also it was during this dish that I had a fabulous idea of my own. Everybody loves smashing plates in a Greek restaurant at the end of a night. Why not give your client the option of whipping out the table cloth from under the plates once they’ve finished their last course? Ok so we might have to hand out some safety goggles and that would probably hike the prices up a bit, but we’ve all dreamed of doing it haven’t we? Plus we’ll make the waiter earn that gratuity tip by having him clean the broken crockery and mopping down the spaghetti sauce off the wall.

The encore was a rock and roll performance piece. With a roll of baking sheet scrolled out in front of us, the hosts Maja Pauling and Guillaume Jounoe plonked sugary treats with artistic reckless abandon. It was as good a spectacle as I’ve seen in a restaurant since my ex-girlfriend was asked by a waiter how she would like her steak done, to which she replied..

“With chips”.

For bookings and information on upcoming events head over to their Facebook page.


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