WHAT’S THIS!!?‘ – Oliver Warbucks, Annie.

I once took in a wounded pigeon. I found her one morning at the foot of the garden, disorientated, traipsing around like a drunk uncle. I called her Daisy and gave her refuge in a filing tray under my desk. I cosseted Daisy with straw and even sourced her an abundance of fresh worms each morning before leaving for school. My mother would wipe her arse and between us we became the medical gentry for poor Daisy. Several weeks later, I thought I’d try ingratiating Daisy into the wild. She flew! She positively flew 5 yards before face-planting the garden fence. She struggled to her feet and gave it another whirl, this time flopping ungracefully over the laurels. A little like how Pi described the Bengal Tiger Richard Parker leaving ‘unceremoniously’ once they had reached the mainland. Effectively, Daisy fucked off without so much as a thank you, not wishing to befriend an acne ridden 16 year old virgin. I suppose this was before the advent of Social Media, she knew there was little chance of becoming an internet sensation.

She could have been Kyle the Goose.



May 2014. A group of friends from Oregon Michael, Krista, James and Alysun were out on the lake one day when James spotted something in the water. A small baby goose drowning, alone and desperate to stay afloat. James scooped him up in a towel and the group managed to locate the rest of the family about 100 yards away from the island. However instead of Kyle being welcomed back into the camp like a prodigal son, the geese family told Kyle to hit the bricks. (Or waves in this case). ‘The manager approached us,’ Michael said. ‘Told us that geese abandon their young when they don’t think they’ll make it. “Leave it here for the eagles to take, or take it with you” he said.’


As the group got in their boat to leave, Kyle heroically jumped off a 3ft retaining wall and proceeded to paddle to the boat. ‘I never even stopped, just put the boat in neutral. He caught up to the swim platform and jumped on the back. Alysun scooped him up. She told me, “don’t worry I’ll help you. We can both take care of him”,’ Michael said. (However, that agreement was soon reneged the minute they reached the harbour. Michael was left alone to care for Kyle).


Is she friendly to humans in general or just you?

Kyle is mostly friendly to everyone however occasionally will act out due to jealousy of girls around.

Does she follow you everywhere?

She follows me most places on the lake but does not come with off the lake. 


Does she need protection from any predators? Human or other?

Kyle does not need protection from anyone or anything. Everyone on the lake loves her and she has no real threat of animal predators.

Does she ever wander or fly off and not come back for spells at a time?  

She will fly off and leave for day or 2 max but always comes back home. I can whistle very loud and if she hears it she will call back or come home.


Does she stay with you at night?

She has been known to fall asleep inside but mainly sleeps outside in random spots on the lake. 

Does she ever mate? Or see the rest of his family?

She does not mate and never really sees her family. She doesn’t identify as a goose so she mainly only interacts with people.

When will Kyle get his own TV show?

We have been approached by networks but I have refrained from entertaining the idea because I’m super camera shy and hate the sound of my own voice. I might change my mind and participate in tv. But it would have to be the right fit and give me creative control. 



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