Still talking about James Bond Island?
James Bond Island eh? I promised you all I would stop talking about it, but as Matrix said to Sully in Commando, ‘I lied’. Yeah I lied big time because this is the 3rd instalment after my features on The Metro.co.uk and James Bond Radio.
This time I’m going to expand a little more on the things to do around Phang Nga Bay. If you want a more annotated ‘how to’ and ‘things to do’ on James Bond Island I’ll leave some links at the bottom.
We stayed at the Amari Hotel (the girlfriend and I) which we found to be quite ordinary.
We asked to see the manager over some mis-understanding with the deposit, the manager refused to show his face.
It felt like I was trapped in Fawlty Towers. Amuri Hotel, you get NIL POIS!
That said, it’s in a decent location if you want to be close to the beach but not hang with the riff raff.
Plenty of bars to watch the footy and the best place to eat is at Malin Plaza.
To make it to James Bond Island you should book through Easy Day Thailand. They’ll pick you up from the Hotel at the crack of sparrows and drive you there.
They’re good guys but don’t expect them to have an encyclopaedic knowledge on the films of James Bond.
For example, I asked them if they knew where the child actor from the film The Man with the Golden Gun lives. (You’re a very handsome man, 50 baht).
I could hear the sound of their hearts thump to the heels of their boots. Do we need to put up with sh*t for the whole journey?
On the island you’ll probably spend about an hour, getting photos, haggling with vendors, stealing sand. (Yes I did that thank you).
From there we ventured out to Koh Panyi, a village where people live a quiet life without cars and traffic.
They have signs on the wall saying don’t be distracted with things such as social media, rock music etc.
The cats roam around and crap in plant pots. Although some plant pots have spikes in the soil so they don’t shit up the entire crop.
They have a floating football pitch there that apparently doesn’t get used.
Now from there we went on to the Elephant sanctuary which is considered unethical by some. But let me tell you this, if I were to come back in another life as an elephant in this park, I’d count my lucky stars.
They get fed, they get bathed every hour, they have the run of the place.
Yes, they have to schlepp folk around the forest for a spell (which is the weight ratio equivalent of you carrying a kitten on your back) then it’s endless bananas and baths.
If you’re an elephant in this park you’re riding life’s gravy train.
Afterwards the gamekeepers asked if I wanted to shoot any of the elephants for pleasure.
I was quite taken aback at first, but it seemed impolite to turn down such a gesture.
I shot a couple that looked like they were slacking, but was outraged to find that I needed to pay another 60 baht to have my photo taken next to my prize kill.
I reluctantly paid but it did sour the experience some.
(You see you don’t get those kind of gags in The Metro).
What else can you do in Phang Nga Bay?
Lastly you should check out the Johns Gray’s Sea Canoe. Which sounds like a horrible gay porno from the 70’s, but is in fact a great adventure across the bay.
You get to go in and out of all the caves, two at a time, with your own designated guide.
To access these caves you sometimes need to lay back completely vertical to avoid the stalactites.
OK that’s it from me. This article was supported by Base London shoes. All my thoughts and jokes about killing elephants are my own.
These slip on loafers I wore throughout the holiday and they were super comfy.
If you like this article you can check out more articles about James Bond Locations on my blog.
A huge thanks to Martijn Mulder for the book On the Tracks of 007 that helped me on this trip.